Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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