Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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