I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
