Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
