My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
