Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
