Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
