Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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