Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
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I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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