I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
