we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
