I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
