i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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