you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
