Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
