And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
