I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You made out with two different species that night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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