a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
