How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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