My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
