you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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