Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
