guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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