someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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