There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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