I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
