9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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