girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
