So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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