tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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