Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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