She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
