someone get that fucking seahorse.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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