I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
