I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
