I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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