You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
