bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
