Duck Duck Cougar?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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