who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
