That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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