I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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