mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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