I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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