Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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