So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
