Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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