I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just puked most of my soul out..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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