so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think I died a long time ago.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
