no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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