My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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