I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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