so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
