I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
