the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
