Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
