literally had 100 drinks last night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
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You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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