just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Panties = found
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
