Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
