Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
