It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I need moral support for this bender
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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