I bet he comes in French.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
