You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We are two peas in an std pod
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
