Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
