I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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