my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
