We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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