She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
