when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
