So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
