There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
