put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
