i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
