party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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