So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
only you would photoshop your dick
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Randomize
