I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
