For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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