My nipple is on Facebook.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Houston, we have a squirter
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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