That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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