every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
