there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
