HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
