It's Friday. Sex?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
