thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Randomize
