Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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