ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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