Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
