Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Still dying that you shit outside
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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