So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
