I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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